The Magic of Doing Less
I’ve tried to do it all, countless times. I did all the self care appointments, and yet I was still feeling a little “off.” Acupuncture, massage, chiropractic care, talk therapy, reflexology, breath-work, infusions, cold plunge/salt cave monthly date, biomagnetism, facials, seeing a personal trainer, private pilates and more. And I wondered…why don’t I feel settled, calm, nourished and situated in myself? Many weeks I would have atleast three appointments for myself in a 5 day span-on top of working full-time, maintaining my relationships, trying to factor in my alone time, daily exercise, and keeping my living space tidy and doing all the chores that a person who lives alone needs to handle.
A couple years ago I decided to tone it down a bit with my self care appointments. I started feeling stressed out about my time, my energy and my finances in regards to these appointments. I made a promise to myself that I was going to create more space & slowness in my schedule, and allow more time between self care appointments. Never more than one per week, which soon evolved into no more than one every two weeks. I started to have more appreciation for these self care appointments. I felt like I could truly dive & melt into them, without worrying about rushing off to the next one.
This perspective won’t land for everyone. I am not advising anyone against the self care appointments that I listed above. I love and adore and respect and honor all the modalities I mentioned. Each one has been so powerful & supportive for me along my never-ending healing journey.
I think we can almost all agree that life is busy and some months literally feel non-stop. One statement I constantly hear between clients & friends: “I’m just so freaking tired.” (I literally said it tonight while I was chatting with a friend). What if slowing down and creating space is what is needed? What if less appointments and less running around can be more beneficial to our nervous system? In Ayurveda, lots of moving around, traveling, driving, etc increases the Mobility Quality, which increases the air element. This then leads to elevated/deranged Vata. Increased Vata can deplete/dry out our Ojas (our immunity and vigor). When this happens we might start to feel depleted, run down, exhausted, etc.
What if instead of squeezing in the 3rd self care appointment for the week we sat outside on a bench and enjoyed some quiet alone time in the sun? What if we rested on the couch, without feeling guilty-phone and TV off? What is we sat down and sipped our coffee slowly?
My self-care appointments have expanded to include: taking yoga class with a friend, going to the beach, visiting a bookstore, surfing, spending time with my nieces, reading a book on my couch with a candle and a vase of fresh flowers, actually taking a day off that doesn’t include three appointments in a row. By the way, I actually used to do that. I would book a massage, chiropractor and talk therapy all on my day off. And suddenly I started feeling anxious…rushed…like “my day off” was now consumed by a very tight schedule which caused an unease within me. I am grateful that my life allows me to expand my new definition of self-care appointments-I know for some who are parents, caretaking someone, etc, it might be that the only time to get in your appointments are to squeeze them into a week or day. And I don’t doubt there are some people who LOVE doing this-I’m simply just sharing my experience and suggesting an alternative way that I don’t hear being discussed. Which is funny, isn’t it? How many times are you catching up with a friend and the theme of the conversation is how insanely busy your schedules are? So it really confuses me that this alternative way-slowing down-is not discussed. I typically always give myself and my friends the green light to cancel or change their mind about plans. I sometimes congratulate them on cancelling plans. A step beyond this would be-intentionally not over-committing. I’m not perfect so I still slip up, and need to cancel plans.
These boundaries with myself have helped me create more space in my schedule:
Never commit to anything right off the bat if invited unless it is a full body yes. This means if I’m chatting it up with a friend and they spontaneously say, “We should totally do a group dinner next Thursday night, are you in?'“ My answer is “Let me assess my week and get back to you later tonight.”
Literally block off time for whatever you need. I sometimes will write “no social plans” “no paying appointments” “alone time all day.”
Set a start and end time to plans-whether you’re hosting, or going over to a friends house, or going out to dinner together. THIS IS NOT RUDE!! Saying, “I’d like to do dinner Friday night..I need to be home by 8 PM so that I’m asleep by 9 pm” is such a loving thing for yourself, and it informs the other person of your intention. Doing a beach day with a friend? You can say, “I’m going to get there for 9:30 am, bring my lunch with me, and head out by 1 PM.”
If you’re hosting something, set an end time. And to be completely honest, there’s atleast one person attending the function who doesn’t want to be “rude” and be the first one to leave the gathering (even though they so badly want to hit the road). Set the end time!! Reduce the possibility of resentment & annoyance building. “I’m hosting a brunch and would love if you could make it. Starts around 10 AM and end time is 1:30 PM.”
I just RSVPd to a wedding-to attend the ceremony only, not the reception. For many reasons. The week of this wedding is SO busy for me, I want to make sure I stick to getting a lot of rest and staying on schedule with my sleep and waking time. Isn’t this better than sitting through hours of something when I really want to be asleep in my bed?
I have some clients who come to see me monthly, and in the summer time they take June, July, August off and return in September. YAY YOU! I love that for you. One less monthly commitment on your calendar and payment might do you wonders. For the people who are trying to do it all, I see you, I get it. I’ve been there. My loving suggestion is: try less. See how a quiet morning without the phone feels.
In the words of Pema Chodron, try something unfamiliar-it might open up a whole new world to you.
